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May 8th, 2009
01:51 pm - Is faith a way of connecting to a higher being?
Some will argue that faith (blind belief) is a way of connecting to the Buddhas, or connecting to God. They say that ‘believing’ is seeing. They say that the only way to connect with the Buddhas is through our faith, since we can’t see them with our physical eyes, we have to see them with our eyes of faith.
This way of thinking is mistaken. In reality, when we have a belief in something we haven’t seen, the object of our belief is not the real thing that is out there, but an idea we have about it, a mental image. Since we’ve never tasted the real thing, our idea or image cannot be accurate.
So really we’re not connecting to the ‘real Buddha’ out there, but we’re connecting with our own preconceived idea of what a Buddha is, without ever having experienced one. So from our side, how could we ever connect with a Buddha through faith? We are only connecting with our idea, which is not the fact.
Clearly, we don’t have the power to connect with what is unknown to us, from our side. The only other possibility of this faith thing working, is if the power came from the Buddha, rather than from us. But, if this is the case, why doesn’t the Buddha just save us now? Why does the Buddha need us to have faith in some idea that is not him?
Is it the case that the Buddha’s power depends upon our generating faith in an idea we have that is not the real Buddha? This is ridiculous!
So this claim that faith is a way of connecting to a higher being is bogus. What really happens is, by focusing our concentration on this idea of the higher being, we make the mental image grow and it becomes clearer and more familiar, until we start to believe it is a real being that we’re connecting with.
This is similar to dreaming, where we talk to dream characters as if they were real, when in reality they are just imagined. In the Vajrayana tradition of Buddhism, practitioners are actually taught to imagine a Buddha and then really try to believe it is a real Buddha, rather than an imagined one.
This is an odd practice for a ‘wisdom’ tradition, don’t you think? It’s nothing short of cultivating ignorance.
One might argue that the dream Buddha is real because they become peaceful when seeing him, so the dream Buddha must be blessing him. I would answer that we shouldn’t underestimate the power of our own mind. It’s called a placebo. We believe something external to us has the power to heal us, and in so doing we heal ourselves.
In this case, we think the Buddha is making us peaceful, so we make ourselves peaceful. So the dream Buddha is a placebo, and each religion has its own placebo. It’s not that only the dream Buddha can make us peaceful and virtuous. I’ve met enough practitioners of different religions to know that.
Christians pray to Jesus with faith and they get blessed. Hare Krishna pray to Krishna and they get blessed. Buddhists pray to the Buddhas and they get blessed. The experienced practitioners of each religion become very peaceful and exhibit enlightened qualities. In ordinary thinking this doesn’t make sense, because each religion thinks their God is right and that the others don’t exist.
The reality is that each practitioner receives ‘a buzz’ because it’s not ‘what’ they’re praying to (because they are each praying to an idea), it’s their own mind that is empowering them in dependence upon a placebo.
The truth is that we cannot connect to something beyond our experience, we can only connect to that which is within our experience - the here and now. This is obvious, right? Our ideas and dreams are present now. They are within our experience and that’s what we connect to, not some higher being.
A great teacher, Ajahn Sumedho said, “enlightenment isn’t about gaining or attaining anything, it’s realizing something that’s been here all along, that we never noticed.”
In the same spirit, we don’t need to connect to something beyond the here and now. We don’t need to escape from the present moment. Some view the here and now as a Samsara, a hellish life that must be escaped from, but there is no escaping from the present moment. It’s all there is. It’s all we have. We can’t get out of it and we can’t go beyond it.
Some follow religion because they want to escape the here and now. That’s what my mum says, that religion is a form of escape. I used to argue with her about that, but now I know she’s right. “Choose life”, as the cliché goes, there is no escaping it.
Living with a constant desire to escape, we never stop to really see life, because we’re too busy escaping from it. It’s the very escaping that is the suffering. So if escaping is our spiritual path we have things backwards.
The only problems are in our minds, in our thoughts. The practice of ‘present moment awareness’ is about bringing our consciousness into reality, opening up and listening to what is happening now in reality. We’re pulling our consciousness, or awareness, out of our mental creations and thoughts, which it is often stuck in, by simply noticing what is happening now, just listening to and watching life with a child’s wonder and awe.
-Robert
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May 5th, 2009
02:42 pm - What is the meaning of life?
Sorry I haven't posted in a few weeks. It's not easy to get online lately, since I'm staying with my nan, but I should be starting a University course in a few months, so I'll be online everyday again then. I wrote out some of my thoughts on the meaning of life the other day, so I thought I'd post it here. I like writing my thoughts on deep issues, as it helps give me clarity. That's my excuse anyway for preaching. ;)
What is the meaning of life?
What is the meaning of life? What is it that we’re here to do, if anything? Is there a meaning or a purpose for us being here? Is there something we should be doing, following some spiritual path to give our lives meaning?
These are the deepest questions one can have. It’s our capacity as humans to step back from being caught up in the ‘this and that’, the details of existence, and ponder upon existence itself. These deep questions are what religion in general attempts to answer,
But often the answers come too quickly and easily. Often, if we follow a spiritual tradition of some sort, we ‘presume’ we have the answers to these questions.
I suggest however, that most of these answers, if not all of them, are superficial answers,
Answers that are based on blind beliefs, rather than upon genuine experience. We often believe what we want to believe, or we believe what others tell us, due to their apparent credentials. Which ever way we choose, we are ending our search for truth prematurely.
How can we let someone else tell us what is the truth, especially when it comes to these very deep and personal questions, such as, “how should I live my life?” I think our search for truth should be a personal one. The nature of humans beings, anyway, is to only completely believe something when we see and experience it for ourselves. We find it very difficult to completely believe otherwise.
The scientists in CSI (crime scene investigation) have a rule to not go beyond the evidence. This is very wise and something we should apply in our search for truth. If we go beyond the evidence we become lost in beliefs, and if we ask which beliefs are right, we will find ourselves full of confusion, because none of them are right. When beliefs are not based on actual experience, it’s impossible to sort the true beliefs from the false.
The only thing that can ground our understanding is the evidence. The evidence being that which is there to be experienced. Another word for evidence might be Dhamma. Dhamma being nature, or the truth of the way things are, but this is not some projected truth, we are not merely saying that things are a certain way, but we’re actually seeing how they are.
The thing about belief is it gives us a false sense of security. It’s the immediate fix we as humans tend to opt for. The reality for myself, and probably all who read this, is the unknown. If we just look at the evidence, without belief in something supernatural, we are left with an overwhelming sense of not knowing, which can be very scary.
Without this unknown, there would never have been religion. Religion was created to solve it. Religion is really an early form of science. It was developed to explain the unexplained, but it does so not through the evidence, like modern science, but through making stuff up. It sounds funny, but it’s true. “What is thunder, why does the sky make that sound?” “Oh, it’s the God, Thor, riding his chariot across the heavens.”
So really religion should be gone by now. It’s been outdated big time, but the thing about belief systems is that they can trap you in fear (or in hope). “If I don’t keep Christ as my saviour I won’t be allowed in heaven when I die. This sounds ridiculous, but just in case, I will keep going to church.” “If I don’t attain liberation from Samsara, I will end up burning in hell for aeons. I don’t know this for myself, some Guru just told me, but just in case, I’ll keep meditating and praying for hours every day.”
Just like the scientists of the CSI, the path that leads to genuine truth is following the evidence, following experience, following Dhamma. This means being in the present moment, being aware as opposed to lost in thoughts, opinions and beliefs. It’s stripping ourselves bare of all the rubbish and just being here, observing the way things are. Not bringing any preconceived ideas into it, but just being completely open and receptive to the way things actually are.
This method is slower than the quick fix of belief, and we have to give in to the unknown. We have to face our fear of the unknown, because the unknown is reality. If we really consider this we will see that it’s the truth. No matter what we believe in, the reality is that we really don’t know.
We don’t know why we’re here, what we are, or how it all happened. We don’t know how best to live our lives. We don’t know what happens when we die, or where we go. We don’t know if time is beginningless and creatorless. We can believe many different things, but in reality we JUST DON’T KNOW.
Is it better to follow some idea about how reality might be, an idea we can’t verify for ourselves, or is it better to follow the evidence?
Anyway, this is the theory. The practice would be awareness and investigation. Usually we are absorbed in the details of life, that we don’t even notice life. Instead of being sucked into the dramas of life, we take a step back from it all through awareness. We become like the silent witness to everything that happens. Rather than being caught up in things, we are watching and deeply looking at things.
For example, if we are ill, we could be caught up in it, worrying about it, thinking about it, but in this practice of awareness, being the silent witness, we just listen to the illness, observing it, investigating, “what is illness like? It’s like this. It feels like this.” This is called the “contemplative life”. A life where we are reflective upon what’s happening, rather than just being caught up in things.
The analogy is often used of a raging river. When we are caught up in things, we are swept along by the current, but when we are the silent witness, the observer, we are sitting still on the riverbank, just watching it all go by.
Some say this is the method the Buddha used. The Buddha was raised in a belief system of the Hindu tradition, and he practiced their meditation methods of developing deep concentration and so forth, but in the end he had to return to his own investigation. His teachers had only taken him so far, if anywhere at all, then he had to rely on the evidence, on his own experience and investigation.
Looking deeply into his body, his feelings, his mind and consciousness, he is said to have discovered a liberating truth, which we call enlightenment.
Who knows if the story is true. It’s a lovely legend, but we will just have to find out for ourselves. The Buddha’s is a good example to follow. He didn’t just blindly believe what his teachers told him, he was self-reliant and trusted in his own ability to reflect upon life and his very self. We all have this ability to reflect.
Some will deny this, saying we are too ignorant and need to rely on the enlightened Guru, but this is rubbish. Only independent thought and investigation will break us free from our conditioning.
We spend our lives blindly relying on the beliefs and values of others. We are raised and told how to act, how to think, what to believe in. What we need now is not another person telling us what to think. We don’t need a Guru. What we need now is to think for ourselves and investigate things for ourselves.
There is something very fulfilling about learning something for oneself.
-Robert
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April 1st, 2009
01:31 pm - My Experience in the New Kadampa Tradition
Someone mentioned an interest, so I think I'll write a bit about my experience within the NKT:
About the Dalai Lama vs. Dorje Shugden and the NKT issue, the NKT members engaging in protests were encouraged by their teachers to do the protesting and shouting with a peaceful mind and a good intention, and thoughts of aggression were not encouraged towards the Dalai Lama. I know this because I myself took part in 3 of the protests.
I had a peaceful mind and I enjoyed the protests, but to be honest, my heart wasn't in protesting. I was happy to see the Dalai Lama when he waved at us from his black van, and I was really inspired by the wave of peace coming from the crowd of Buddhists that passed us who had just left the Dalai Lama's teachings. I felt love for them, and felt like I shouldn't be protesting, it just didn't feel right.
I mainly went for the free trip down to London, and the free sandwiches. I like adventures.. and sandwiches. ;)
Other NKT members, including monks, were quite angry when protesting. I overheard the resident teacher of the centre I was living say, "I'm gonna follow the Dalai Lama around and give him shit!" This was strange to hear, coming from a Buddhist monk, especially a teacher of a Dharma centre.
I was also unimpressed by the brochure we released, which was not much more than childish name-calling to the Dalai Lama, calling him "the safron-robed muslim". I think that's even racist. I don't know if Geshe Kelsang wrote the brochure or not, but it's certain he approved its distrubution. You can download an e-copy of the brochure at westernshugdensociety.org, if anyone is interested.
In my opinion, the whole issue is ridiculous on both sides, but that's because I no longer believe in Dharma Protectors. Does the Dharma need protecting? This is, to use a modern word, bullshit. But the gripe against Tibetan Buddhism will have to wait for a later post (maybe tomorrow).
Getting back to the NKT, I would advise anyone reading this to stay well away from it. If you don't and they get you inside, you will find yourself locked in beliefs and fear. You will be overloaded with practices and commitments prematurely, and then you will be afraid not to do them for fear of hell. Once you're deeply submerged in the NKT, it is very difficult to get out again, because in a way you get brainwashed.
Even if you're getting little peace from your practice, you will find it extremely difficult to change traditions, because you will believe you will go to hell.
It was a miracle that I made it out, but I went through hell doing it. I had to unbrainwash myself. Luckily I had the support of a Theravada practicioner living near me, and the refreshing teachings of Ajahn Brahm.
I did learn a valuable lesson from it all, which was not to believe anything that didn't depend upon experience, otherwise you get trapped in fear. And I learned to be self-reliant, not reliant on some Guru without thinking for myself.
Some people say our human minds are very limited, so we have to rely upon a higher being's mind like our Guru or the Buddha, but this is pure bullshit in my experience. The human consciousness shouldn't be underestimated. But, if they mean the thinking mind, then I agree, but generally they don't mean that, or they don't make the distinction between the thinking mind and the consciousness.
What is more reliable? Your own awareness, or the hearsay from another's mouth? Granted, listening to others, especially Dhamma teachers, is important, but at the end of the day it's our own investigation that leads us to true understanding. No one can do that for us.
My thought is, as soon as we think, "I'm a Buddhist", at that point we've lost it. The Buddha was not a Buddhist. He wasn't anything. He started as a Hindu, and he trained as close to enlightenment as he could following their path. He gained deep, profound concentration, but then he realized he still wasn't enlightened, suffering wasn't completely gone. At that point, he had to leave and investigate for himself.
It was only by way of thorough investigation into his mind that the Buddha cut the root of suffering. He is the best example of self-reliance. Though I'm not saying we should break away completely from Buddhism, because we're probably not as hard as the Buddha, I don't know. So maybe we need to hear the wise words of those who have done it, but these wise words are just a finger pointing the way, they are not the Way itself.
We should listen to the advice of others from the place of self-reliance. We are doing it ourselves, but we're also collecting these helpful hints, applying them if they seem useful to our aim.
And our aim is bigger than Buddhism and the Buddha. Religion is not the point. The point is we are here, right now, in this existance. We long for the truth, for the true Dhamma, the true knowledge and understanding. That's why we grasp at beliefs, because we want so strongly to KNOW, but beliefs are just a quick fix, an artificial knowing.
The real path is a path of knowing, of understanding, overcoming ignorance, seeing clearly what's going on. That's what "Dhamma" means - "the way things are". The real path is not trying to do something, or attain something special, but simply to understand what's going on, to learn from life and reality. Everyone is on this path, not just Buddhists, because life and reality teach us whether we want it to or not. Our experiences teach us.
This is the meaning of life, to learn. It's a learning experience. As Alanis Morisette sings, "you live, you learn.. you win, you learn.. you lose, you learn.. you die, you learn."
We're all learning, no matter what happens, it can't be stopped. This is the enlightenment process, and this is why many people say that eventually everyone will become enlightened, because it's unstoppable.
I've written now much more than I thought I would, but this is coming straight from my heart, not my thoughts, so I hope it is beneficial to any who read this.
Thanks for reading.
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10:39 am - Thoughts
Our thinking mind is like a calculator, and our thoughts are like the numbers in a calculator. A calculator can only make numbers. No matter how many numbers we add up, we only end up with more numbers.
The thinking mind is like this. No matter how many thoughts we have, no matter how intensely we engage the thinking mind, it can only make thoughts. Thoughts + thoughts = thoughts. Thoughts can never reach beyond themselves. The thinking mind can never make it into reality, it can never discover anything other than thoughts.
However, a calculator and a thinking mind can be put to good use. We can use a calculator to add up oranges. We can use the thinking mind to help guide our experience. We can use it to remind ourselves, for example, the way to practice the Dhamma. When I'm practicing mindfulness, I use occasional thoughts to guide me. If pain arises, I tell myself "just be with the pain, don't reject it, just be aware of it without judgement" or something like that.
So thought can be put to good use. The problem arises when thought is used independantly from experience, as if thought could reach an enlightenment experience by itself. Thought can never do this, it can never solve the big questions, it can never figure them out. No amount of thinking will ever discover the existance of future lives. Thoughts can only develop beliefs about what is true. The thinking mind can develop a blind belief and think it has figured something out.
I think it's important to observe and question the thinking mind in this way, otherwise we just use it endlessly trying to figure things out. It's much more peaceful to realize the limitations of the thinking mind, because then the mind goes quiet, and can enter the present moment, seeing experience as the holder of truth, rather than thinking.
Krishnamurti said, "when the mind realizes its absolute incapacity to know the unknown, it becomes silent" (or something like that)
This isn't easy though, because we like to hold onto thinking and hold onto beliefs, because we're under the false impression that believing will protect us. For example, if we believe some holy being is going to carry us off to an eternal heaven when we die, if we recite his mantra, we feel safe.
It's much easier to just believe something, rather than to face the reality that we really know nothing. We don't know what happens when we die. We don't know if enlightenment even exists or what it is. We don't know what can really protect us. All this unknowing can be scary, so we cling to a set of beliefs, and then we feel secure.
This is a false sense of security, because whatever we believe, the reality is still that we don't really know. Deep down we know this truth, which is why we are still afraid of death, even while we grasp our beliefs.
It's important to realize this fact of not-knowing, even though it's scary, because then our mind will open up, no longer locked in beliefs, it will be humbled by its lack of knowing and will be in a perfect position to learn, to listen to reality, to our experience. We need to listen to ourselves, to our bodies, or minds, our feelings, observing them.
We don't need to try to do anything, we just need to shift our focus from the world of thoughts and beliefs to the world of now, the present moment, what's happening now, in the body, in the feelings, etc. We're just aware. We don't have to make insight happen. Just through putting our energy into awareness, insight happens.
However, we shouldn't TRY to be aware. We are already aware. We can't shut awareness off. We just notice that awareness. Awareness of the body is already there, we just notice it. The present moment isn't something we have to create or try to be in. The present moment is all there is, it's where we've always been and will always be. We're just recognizing it.
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March 31st, 2009
03:19 pm
Okay, so I think I'm going to start using this journal again, as I still love writing, and lately I've enjoyed writing my thoughts on Buddhist philosophy.
I do however find myself embarrassed when looking over my old posts on here. Did I really write some of that stuff? I want to wipe it all clean, but I think you need to be a paid member to do mass deleting. Ah well. I will however point out that the person who wrote that stuff is dead, and I'm taking over this journal.
To give a brief update of my life, if anyone out in the void can hear these fading echoes (I'm just being silly with writing - fun):
I was a Buddhist monk in the New Kadampa Tradition (a western offshoot of the Tibetan Gelugpa sect) but now I've disrobed and left the tradition. Now my name is Robert again and not Palgye. I left because I no longer feel it's the correct path for me. Now I'm very interested in the teachings of the Thai Forest Tradition of Theravada Buddhism.
I love the simplicity and practicality of the Thai Forest Tradition, which was seriously lacking in the Kadampa tradition. I'll leave it at that for now.. maybe later I'll produce an essay of bitching. I love bitching.
So anyway, I'm gonna use this journal to post some philosophical writings and the occasional bitchings. I find it helps to put my thoughts in words, so yeah.
Robert
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May 31st, 2006
11:22 pm
______
plant flowers
and find yourself in love
with the rain
______
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May 8th, 2006
02:50 am
________
We build snowmen
and we know they will soon melt,
so we don't get attached.
_
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02:28 am
_____________
I'm back again
in the doorway,
and I can't decide whether to step completely in
or completely out,
but a choice must be made.
Going in means letting go
and going out means holding on to what's dieing.
The old me is dieing.
I had such dreams
but they couldn't work.
My dream of love turns out to be attachment
and to be happy I must let go,
but it is hard.
What I want to last forever
will always end.
I imagine walking on the water with you,
being so light
and dancing there,
or sitting on floating lilly-pads with you.
We can just come back as frogs
and forget about enlightenment.
There are some beautiful Bodhisattvas,
but if being a frog means I can kiss you well..
I want to plant yellow tulips on the moon
as an offering to you,
fields and fields of them.
I am so sorry that you are just a dream
and I hope you forgive me for that.
_____
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01:19 am
______
When I first notice you,
I want it to be like you are the only person awake
in a crowded restaurant.
You will be holding your menu
up to your face,
without actually reading it.
Your mind will be away somewhere,
daydreaming.
I would walk over and take your hand,
without anyone noticing,
and we would leave that old dream
and enter another.
We would have natural smiles
like young children do
who cannot help the honesty of their expressions.
We would spin around in circles all day
and fall in lots of flowers and long grass,
and we would laugh.
I would like to run through fields with you forever.
As for now,
I am playing in nature in secret
in my mind,
and no one of this world can see me,
except for you.
____________
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April 18th, 2006
03:00 am
Here is a moment. What shall we do with it? I've been inspired or re-conditioned by another movie, Autumn In New York. It stars Richard Gere and Winona Ryder. A womanizer (Richard Gere) falls in love with a terminally ill girl (Winona Ryder). She has this Buddhist-like air about her, kind, and seeing the beauty in people and things, and a taking the essence of every moment style, possibly something to do with her obvious death-awareness, since she is dieing.
In my own life, I think I need to take things a bit easier. I can be quite hard on myself, and expect too much too quickly. The same advice seems to be echoing from my teacher and friends, to accept where I'm at, and not be over-ambitious. It's advice I'm now going to take. I was being difficult, but now I'll give in to them. It's too much of a strain on my mind otherwise. I don't want to make myself unhappy and disturbed. That'll get me nowhere. I want to be a kind person who enjoys life. Then see where I go from there. Sounds good to me.
Forgive me, perfect Buddha. For everything.
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February 9th, 2006
05:19 pm
I have returned home for a couple of days, so I thought an update was in order. I hope everyone who reads this is doing well, and I hope we speak soon.
Life at the Chenrezig Centre is wonderful. I'm learning a lot, and I've met some very interesting people over this past month, and I've had some odd experiences to say the least.
I've been helping a lot at the centre with publicity and random jobs, like helping someone fix the ceiling. It's been great. It's wonderful to take part in something like this.
I've been dealing with a lot of delusions, etc, lately, and it's difficult but rewarding. Living at a centre really seems to bring these things up. My practice is going well.
I've become quite close to a girl called Sarah, who lives in the room next to mine. We have so much in common that it seems too surreal to be a coincidence. It seems as though the most desired qualities of Samsara has manifested as her. She represents the deceptive beauty of my attachment. When I am ready to let her go.. that will be a big step for me.
My teacher, Wangmo, is wonderful. She is very compassionate and is helping me a lot with my problems. She is like my Marpa; she is a little hard on me, but I really appreciate it. "Everytime my teacher beats me it is an empowerment". Heheh.
I'm going to a weekend course next week, in Ulverston, by Gen-la Samden. It's titled, "Advice For Helping Others". I can't wait. I've heard he is a wonderful teacher.
Also, I may be going to Amsterdam in a couple of months for a Vajrapani empowerment. I don't exactly have the funds for it yet, but we'll see.
And next year, I'm going to Singapore for something very special. No matter what, I'm going. Well, almost "no matter what"; we'll see what happens.
Peace is the only happiness. I hope you all find it. :)
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January 10th, 2006
10:48 pm
This will be my last entry for a long time perhaps. My suitcase is packed and ready. Tomorrow morning I leave to my new home in Lancaster. I'm scared because my father hasn't given me the money yet, so I might have to pay my rent and deposit later. Hopefully he'll send it soon. The Buddhists will let me move in now, but I don't like messing people about, especially people who are so kind to me. I don't think it can be avoided this time though. I almost feel sick, I'm that nervous.
I think I'm starting to get my head around the fact that this is actually happening, I'm moving away from home and into a Buddhist centre. It seems too insane and good to be real. The funeral today was interesting and sad. I met my two half-brothers, for the first time. My father had failed to mention me to them, all this time, but today he couldn't avoid it. Just by looking at me, the older boy knew who I was, since I look so much like my father.
I wish my father would let me know him. He has so much shame, and he is always running from it, creating new things to be ashamed about in the process. I feel sorry for him. I suppose he cannot run from his life forever. But who knows? I'm afraid of him dieing before I ever get to know him, which may very well be the case. Other people have pain in their lives, and I have mine, so it doesn't matter.
Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life, as they say. I shall make it new in all ways. I feel like I'm wandering into the unknown, which is exactly what I'm doing actually. It's exactly what I've always been doing, but I never realized it. I must've thought, in the past, that the future was laid out exactly as I imagined it. The truth brings much anxiety. But with that, there is a chance to let go. Maybe soon I'll take that opportunity to let go. But then again, who could say? The future's never laid out how I imagine.
This is another blind one, wandering into the abyss. I may again emerge from the darkness, so watch this space. Take care of yourselves, live-journal friends! :D
robeRt
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January 9th, 2006
09:02 pm
______
This person, this moment, will die.
My mind is like a calm wind moving through fields
of daiseys, touching every flower,
parting around every stone,
pushing through the long black hair of a girl-mirage
passing by, only passing by.
This person, this moment, will die.
robeRt
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08:28 pm
_____
The air is gone
from this balloon,
gone, gone,
no one knows
how to see where it went.
They look,
puzzled,
as they breathe it in
without realizing.
robeRt
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January 8th, 2006
07:51 pm
my god . meaning of god .
mahatma ghandi .
(chapter 1)
There is an indefinable mysterious Power that pervades everything. I feel it, though I do not see it. It is this unseen Power which makes itself felt and yet defies all proof, because it is so unlike all that I perceive through my senses. It transcends the senses.
But it is possible to reason out the existence of God to a limited extent. Even in ordinary affairs we know that people do not know who rules or why, and how he rules. And yet they know that there is a power that certainly rules. …
There is orderliness in the universe, there is an unalterable Law governing every thing and every being that exists or lives. It is not a blind law; for no blind law can govern the conduct of living beings. … (It can now be proved that even matter is life.)
That Law then which governs all life is God. Law and the Lawgiver are one. I may not deny the Law or the Lawgiver, because I know so little about It or Him. Even as my denial or ignorance of the existence of an earthly power will avail me nothing, so will not my denial of God and His Law liberate me from its operation; whereas humble and mute acceptance of divine authority makes life's journey easier even as the acceptance of earthly rule makes life under it easier.
I do dimly perceive that whilst everything around me is ever changing, ever dying, there is underlying all that change a living power that is changeless, that holds all together, that creates, dissolves and re-creates. That informing power or spirit is God. And since nothing else I see merely through the senses can or will persist, … S/HE alone is.
And is this power benevolent or malevolent ? I see it is purely benevolent. For I can see that in the midst of death life persists, in the midst of untruth truth persists, in the midst of darkness light persists. Hence I gather that God is Life, Truth, Light. He is Love. He is the Supreme Good.
But He is no God who merely satisfies the intellect, if He ever does. God to be God must rule the heart and transform it. He must express Himself in every smallest act of His votary. This can only be done through a definite realization more real than the five senses can ever produce. Sense perceptions can be, often are, false and deceptive, however real they may appear to us. Where there is a realization outside the senses it is infallible. It is proved not by extraneous evidence but in the transformed conduct and character of those who have felt the real presence of God within.
Such testimony is to be found in the experiences of an unbroken line of prophets and sages in all countries and climes. To reject this evidence is to deny oneself.
This realization is preceded by an immovable faith. He who would in his own person test the fact of God's presence can do so by a living faith. And since faith itself cannot be proved by extraneous evidence, the safest course is to believe in the moral government of the world and therefore in the supremacy of the moral law, the law of Truth and Love. Exercise of faith will be the safest where there is a clear determination summarily to reject all that is contrary to Truth and Love.
I cannot account for the existence of evil by any rational method. To want to do so is to be coequal with God. I am therefore humble enough to recognize evil as such. And I call God long suffering and patient precisely because He permits evil in the world. I know that He has no evil in him, and yet if there is evil, He is the author of it and yet untouched by it.
I know too that I shall never know God if I do not wrestle with and agaist evil even at the cost of life itself. I am fortified in the belief by my own humble and limited experience. The purer I try to become, the nearer I feel to be to God. How much more should I be, when my faith is not a mere apology as it is today but has become as immovable as the Himalayas and as white and bright as the snows on their peaks? Meanwhile I invite the correspondent to pray with Newman who sang from experience :
Lead, kindly light, amid the encircling gloom,
Lead Thou me on;
The night is dark and I am far from home,
Lead Thou me on;
Keep Thou my feet, I do not ask to see
The distant scene; one step enough for me.
Young India, 11-10-1928, pp. 340-41
. meaning of god . mahatma ghandi .
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January 6th, 2006
01:12 am
My grandma, Pat, passed away peacefully in bed, two nights ago. So today in Preston, a very kind monk called Pagpa and myself did a ceremony for her, to deliver her to a pure land. It was very powerful. For part of the ceremony, we visualised Pat's negative karma coming out of her mouth as scorpions, which we visualised becoming these black-seed thingies that Pagpa had arranged into the shape of a scorpion. We took it outside and he began to sprinkle the scorpion onto a fire, while we recited the mantra of Vajradaka.
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December 30th, 2005
06:22 pm
All the time I spent searching for peace, and it was only a choice all along. It is so simple, just to relate to everything with peace. There is nothing that can make me peaceful. There are people that are angry, in the most serene places, and people that are peaceful, in the most chaotic places. This shows that peace does not need external conditions to arise. We can do it, we can just be peaceful, we already know how to do it. It is like moving a finger: no one can instruct you on how to move your finger, you just do it at your will, because you can, it is in your ability.
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12:46 am
_________
Slopes
of Mount Kugami—
in the mountain's shade
a hut beneath the trees—
how many years
it's been my home?
The time comes
to take leave of it—
my thoughts wilt
like summer grasses,
I wander back and forth
like the evening star—
till that hut of mine
is hidden from sight,
till that grove of trees
can no longer be seen,
at each bend
of the long road,
at every turning,
I turn to look back
in the direction of that mountain
Ryokan - The Great Fool
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December 29th, 2005
01:28 pm
With my happy mind, everything and everyone is suddenly a reflection of my own happiness.
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December 26th, 2005
10:16 am
Recording of dream-fragments:
Gen-la Samden and myself, talking, possibly on a dock, or somewhere up high. Those two possibilities lead me to believe that we were somewhere near an edge, like somewhere elevated, surrounded by a drop, possibly a drop to water. He was wearing normal clothes, as oppose to wearing his robes. I might've thought he was my father in the dream. Maybe we were running together, from something, or to something, at some point. He was running ahead, leading me. Even right now, while writing this, I feel the need to gain his approval, like a son feels towards his father. I want him to be pleased with me.
I'm observing happenings in a woman's life, from an outside perspective, sortof like watching her on television. She's driving and talking on the phone. The conversation is possibly of a sexual nature, but she is opposing whatever the caller's suggestion is, as she is married. She works with two other people. And they take someone into the back of the van she is driving, like ambulance workers do, though they don't work for a hospital, they work for possibly a massage parlour. The woman who was driving, despite her refusal of anything sexual before because of her apparant faithful stance to her husband, gets out of her seat and leans into the back of the van, to start giving the "patient" a blowjob. I think there was temptation after temptation for her to cheat on her husband, but she had always refused them, but now she just gives in, and feels an ease.
Now we have three people, a man and two women. They are at the coast, next to a big drop down to the sea. There is a rope, over the edge, that leads about a third of the way down. One of the women, who might be the woman who was driving and talking on the phone before, jumps onto the rope and begins to swing, quite dangerously. The weather is dark and stormy. I think she falls and the other two follow her, but the tide comes in and they die, or something.
I think the woman gave in to a temperary ease of her suffering, which decieved her and threw her back into the ocean of Samsara. I should know Samsaric pleasures as they really are, and rely upon my spiritual guide who will never decieve me.
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